one weekend, a million ups and downs

Friday was one of the worst days I've had in a while. I can't believe that Dr. C asked Dr. W to talk to me about my attitude. I've never been anything other than friendly to him, I also practice hard and try my best to be a good section leader. So where does he get off being upset at me about something and not even having the guts to address me personally about it? Then Dr. W has his own diatribe about my abilities to speak publicly and write and how these are really not at a grad school level and perhaps I should see a councelor and the writing center. If he doesn't believe that I can make it why was I accepted into this program and how have I managed to pass all my classes last semester? I can't stop thinking that I should just give up. I can probably get a job in a music library without both degrees but if I do that he will have won and I can't give him that satisfaction. I need to see what my grades look like after this semester and really think about things then.

Yesterday I went to the AMS meeting. I'm having trouble recalling a more boring experiance. The morning papers were ok and lunch was good, even if Esperanza didn't remember me. I took a class from her last semester for pete's sake. The business meeting was oh so dry we were running late and then there were 3 more papers to be read. I just couldn't take it and left after Sam read his paper.

I had a good reason to leave. I got to spend the afternoon and evening with Matt and his friend John. We wandered around Annapolis, such a cute town, and had italian cream sodas and I got to hear so many stories about them and their crazy friends. I really want to meet these friends after hearing so many unbelievable stories. I kind of wish that it would have just been Matt and I. I definetly think it's a good thing that he wanted me to meet one of his friends but I would also like some "alone" time with him, if you know what I mean. Because nothing has happend so far and it seems a little weird to me that we've been talking for nearly 2 months and nothing has happend so far.

But I keep reminding myself that he just got out of a marriage and he probably needs to take things slowly. And I figure that if he isn't rushing into having sex that he isn't just looking for a rebound relationship, but something long term. I could really go for that.